It Cant Hurt to Dream, Can It?

ok...so a lot has changed since i last wrote on here lol...im now a soon to be second semester freshman in college (i go back in 2 days)...had my 1st ever long ass break for xmas which i am sad to say bye to bc it was a blast. honestly i wouldnt care if i ever went back to skool bc im happy where i am right now but if i dont then theres nothing out there for me. i enjoyed stayin out til 2am just drivin around wit amanda and being able to sleep late n do watever i wanted. eventho i had a lot of drama from val ( and still gettin it from her) it was all still worth it. i got to hang out with tabi which i enjoyed very much and am still tryin to get over sayin goodbye once again to her. it still hurts just as much as the very first time i had to. eventho i felt left in the dust by her the past yr i understand completely wat happened and i dont feel that way anymore. its just as hard for her as it is for me to be far apart...we just deal with it differently. im hoping to go out and see her in the summer for at least a week but even if its only for a couple days ill be good with it. the only thing ill be worried about is me not wanting to leave bc i no itll come down to that..thats why ive been holdin out for so long bc itll be even harder for me to leave her instead of the other way around bc i dont wanna hurt her at all. shes the one n only person i have in my life that i no really cares for me n i no i do for her n i dont wanna lose her. i wouldnt no wat i would do if i did. i thought i already did, but i didnt and im super happy about that...shes the only person that gets me and where i can totally be myself without havin to worry about bein judged or havin something to say about something. i take her advice to heart. you can have more than one good friend but theres always that one person thats always more than that. that kind of relationship that ppl are jealous about and thats wat we have. shes a big part of my life and i love her to death...shes actually the 1st person ive ever said it to...i mean ive said it to ppl but only over text or IM...never through word of mouth...and im happy that thats how it happened. it sucks we're so far apart but it makes our friendship stronger. eventho we change whenever we get together its still like old times.

now its time for the big time...figuring out wat i want from life and where ill let it take me...tryin to fig out what types of relationships i want wit diff ppl..time to dip my toes into the real world. luckily i have to support of friends and family but it would still be nice to have my cake and eat it too with havin tabi back out here wit me, havin me friends and family here too. but i understand she has her own life in CO as much as it hurts for me to admit. a life that she bulit on her own and is happy with eventho i cant be in it every second of the day and be right next to in person. it just comes down to the point where i miss her unbelievably and if i had my way id have her next to me 24/4...not to protect her bc ppl need to make their own mistakes in life...but just to be around her to be able to see her smile and feel her hugs. she makes everything better like it never existed and makes everything seem happier and more lively. then when she leaves everything is dull and empty. i want her in my life everyday like before but i know that cant happen bc she has her own obligations...but it cant hurt to dream, can it?

life...

just threw me another curve...an old bff from like 1st grade got in contact w/ me...this was b4 i went to pre 1st so its kind of weird...i havent gotten the courage up to tell her that im still in high school...she moved b4 it all happened so she has no idea..she thinks im in college n shes tellin me about all the old ppl i used to hang out with...its just weird idk why but it is...i never thought id have to deal wit my past..esp that part of it...but its a good thing she got back in contact wit me...we had some good times when we were little...at least wat i can remember of it n its not much...it turns out shes up in bensalem a lot bc of her bf n her bf is another old classmate of mine...so yeah...n she goes to bucks n is thinkin of transferin to holy family...but at least i get to get to no her again...but again its weird...i never thought id have to tell them that i got held back in a way...i just thought id mever have to face it n deal wit it...im fine tellin others now in the grade that im in that i had to go to pre 1st but its harder to tell her....i feel stupid bc im still in high school...but if i never went to pre 1st i would never have met the ppl i have in my life today...

it all feels like a dream....

i have to admit the last week was insane with all the pit practices n work...but im kind of sad its all over which i never thought i would say...but last night had a lot of firsts....me getting reconginized in from of an audience for being a senior...first time double dating....1st time crying bc of katie s n her letter she wrote me bc of being "the big guy on campus"....n some 1st with greg at dinner n in the car....also with val lol....being sooo hyper bc of monster....it all feels like a dream....

i am dipping my toe into the waters of no return....

well i got my fabric for my dress yesterday and i picked out a sketch that i like n im in love with it...i got my crown thing today too so im gettin there....

:-(

no school today bc of a sonw day....this means an extra day at the high school so instead of graduating on the 11th now its ganna be the 12th :-(

EXCITING NEWS!!!

proms coming along good....just got 3 good phone calls today....cristina p has a date, we have a shore place only $200 per person, n i got good dress news from my bro...going to see it sat. and we;re goin fabric shopping and all....me and val have our plans set for what we want to do down there we're basically going to live on the beach and become black lol

so i realized that that week of prom i wont be home for like 2 weeks bc before prom i go on sr trip and thats 5 days 4 nights, i think, then 2 days later is prom and after prom im stayin over katie b's house and then we leave for the shore the next morning and i wont be coming home from the shore til sometime that monday...so ill have 3 days down the shore....its ganna be sooo hot...im sooo stoked i cant wait....time to party it up!!!