It Cant Hurt to Dream, Can It?

ok...so a lot has changed since i last wrote on here lol...im now a soon to be second semester freshman in college (i go back in 2 days)...had my 1st ever long ass break for xmas which i am sad to say bye to bc it was a blast. honestly i wouldnt care if i ever went back to skool bc im happy where i am right now but if i dont then theres nothing out there for me. i enjoyed stayin out til 2am just drivin around wit amanda and being able to sleep late n do watever i wanted. eventho i had a lot of drama from val ( and still gettin it from her) it was all still worth it. i got to hang out with tabi which i enjoyed very much and am still tryin to get over sayin goodbye once again to her. it still hurts just as much as the very first time i had to. eventho i felt left in the dust by her the past yr i understand completely wat happened and i dont feel that way anymore. its just as hard for her as it is for me to be far apart...we just deal with it differently. im hoping to go out and see her in the summer for at least a week but even if its only for a couple days ill be good with it. the only thing ill be worried about is me not wanting to leave bc i no itll come down to that..thats why ive been holdin out for so long bc itll be even harder for me to leave her instead of the other way around bc i dont wanna hurt her at all. shes the one n only person i have in my life that i no really cares for me n i no i do for her n i dont wanna lose her. i wouldnt no wat i would do if i did. i thought i already did, but i didnt and im super happy about that...shes the only person that gets me and where i can totally be myself without havin to worry about bein judged or havin something to say about something. i take her advice to heart. you can have more than one good friend but theres always that one person thats always more than that. that kind of relationship that ppl are jealous about and thats wat we have. shes a big part of my life and i love her to death...shes actually the 1st person ive ever said it to...i mean ive said it to ppl but only over text or IM...never through word of mouth...and im happy that thats how it happened. it sucks we're so far apart but it makes our friendship stronger. eventho we change whenever we get together its still like old times.

now its time for the big time...figuring out wat i want from life and where ill let it take me...tryin to fig out what types of relationships i want wit diff ppl..time to dip my toes into the real world. luckily i have to support of friends and family but it would still be nice to have my cake and eat it too with havin tabi back out here wit me, havin me friends and family here too. but i understand she has her own life in CO as much as it hurts for me to admit. a life that she bulit on her own and is happy with eventho i cant be in it every second of the day and be right next to in person. it just comes down to the point where i miss her unbelievably and if i had my way id have her next to me 24/4...not to protect her bc ppl need to make their own mistakes in life...but just to be around her to be able to see her smile and feel her hugs. she makes everything better like it never existed and makes everything seem happier and more lively. then when she leaves everything is dull and empty. i want her in my life everyday like before but i know that cant happen bc she has her own obligations...but it cant hurt to dream, can it?